99 Fears: Fear of Rejection

What drives us to not ask for help

My stupid self dropped my smartphone in the parking garage. In milliseconds, the glass was shattered. The model is 3 years old, and the device takes 5–10 minutes of struggle every day to get the phone to connect and charge. Yet, it took 24 hours to work up the courage to ask for an upgrade. If it takes me 24 hours to ask, others certainly never ask at all.

When I wake up with a head cold in the morning, my first reaction is: “I cannot stay home from work.” Then begins several minutes of internal struggle where I attempt to convince myself to get some rest and recovery. Eventually I convince myself and I send the obligatory email to my team and boss: ‘I’m taking a sick day.’ No turning back now, brace yourself for retaliation.

These stories are examples where I experience the fear of rejection. It seems silly, right? Why would you expect someone to say no and prolong your suffering? Somehow this irrational fear comes back every time. I’ve told similar stories in the past, and I keep relearning this lesson.

What I’ve (Re)learned

* Do not tolerate misery/discomfort/suffering. If it’s in your power to do something about it, *do it*.
* Don’t even waste brain cycles debating
* Do not hesitate to ask for help.
* Be concise in your request, explain the context, what you need, and what you’ve already tried.
* Remember that most people want to help you, even your enemies.
* The secret to success is: ASK!
* Articulate what you want to the people who can give you what you want.
* If you are authentic and diligent, rejection is unlikely
* The person you ask may not be able to help, but may help you connect with someone who can.

This is the coolest talk on the topic of rejection I have found:
[Jia Jiang: What I learned from 100 days of rejection | TED Talk | TED.com](https://www.ted.com/talks/jia_jiang_what_i_learned_from_100_days_of_rejection)

Really watch this TED talk!!


Together we build a world free of fear
What would you do if you were not afraid?

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